October - December is a hard month for me and Mother's Day. My mom was my best friend, and she is all that I have ever had. She always put me first. I don't have much family anymore really. Losing both parents is hard. I feel alone, and lost. I hate the feeling of emptiness. It seems that the loss of my mother is getting harder and harder as time goes on. I have my two children, and grandma that I thank God for. Without them I wouldn't have anyone. THEY ARE WHAT KEEPS ME GOING!! I was 30, and my mommy was 46 when she passed away. She was a beautiful young woman. I don't know what to do without her. I find myself always looking at others that have their mom and feeling resentment. How they get to have time with their mother here on earth, and I no longer can. I am completely lost. And the thought of her not being there when my kids get married, and when they have children haunts me. (and them)

Its been since 2002 since my mom. There is little support on how I feel and the rest of people either don't want to keep talking about your loss or they just ignore you or they try and brain wash you that TIME is a great healer. I hate the word! Because TIME is getting harder because it has been forever since I hugged my mom and told her how much I love and treasure her.

I think of her everyday! Sometimes I think I feel her presence. Matter of fact, I know she is here at time. Then, I'll go back in time and remember how beautiful her smile was and her voice was so sweet. My heart aches then. I am thankful that my kids did get to know her even though it was a short time. The loss of her effected so many people especially me and my children. We still find ourselves at times talking about her as in the present tense. I guess its hard for us to verbally say "when she was...."

I wanted to write something to honor my mother. She truly was a gracious person and anyone who knew her would tell you the same. She is sorely missed each and every day. She will forever be etched in our lives and hearts.

"God Gave Me An Angel"

God gave me an angel right here on earth,
She taught me my values and gave me self worth,
She guided me through life with her wisdom, God's Light,
She steered me from wrong, and let me toward right.

She stood by my side when things were rough,
She taught me in bad times we need to be tough.
She has always been there when I need her throughout all my years,
She laughed with me in happy times, and comforted my tears.

My angel on earth was sent from above,
God paid her not in wages, but with eternal love.
She has been my confidante, my rock, my protector,
And when God says her job is through,
I know I won't know what quite to do.
I would never forget her... life with her is all I know.

She needs not a halo, or silken wings of grace,
For the glory of God's love shines upon her face.
My guardian angel, can be replaced by no other,
She is gods gift to me- I call her my dear mother.

This is the last picture of my mom and me. She passed away just a few months later.